Suicide is the second leading cause of death for American 15 to 19-year-olds, according to the most recent statistics. But many researchers feel these numbers are underrepresented and that suicide may actually be the number one cause of death for that age group since it is hard to get accurate statistics since many suicides are listed as accidental deaths. Suicide takes more young lives each year than cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza and chronic lung disease combined. With statistics as high as these, we probably all know someone who has either attempted or committed suicide. But what can we, as parents, do to protect our teens against suicidal thoughts or tendencies?

First, we need to realize that most suicidal young people do not what to diethey only want to end their pain. And what exactly is that pain and how do we determine if our teen may be having suicidal thoughts?

WARNING SIGNS:

According to Dr. Heather Fiske, adolescent suicide expert and psychologist at Credit Valley Hospital in Toronto, Ontario, parents need to know the signs of depression and how they apply to your child. Depression manifests itself differently among adolescents and adults. Dr. Fiske adds, Watch for sudden changes in mood, sleeping patterns and energy levels and clothing. Also, look for deep depression brought on by sudden changes, such as rejection from friends or a significant other. Its these changes that should trigger the theres a problem part of a parents brain. And most certainly, take note if your child develops a preoccupation with death or starts talking about committing suicide, even if its with phrases such as Youd all be better off without me or through artwork or writings, either essays or poems with death or grim reaper imagery.

Mary Schoenfeldt, owner and trainer, Schoenfeldt & Associates, an educational wellness and crisis response management company, adds also be wary of traumatic events in the teens life (such as the suicide of a close friend or relative), heavy use of alcohol and/or other drugs and the making of final arrangements, such as giving away prized possessions.

WHAT TO DO:

If you have noticed these warning signs in your teenagers life, as parents, our first instinct is to panic and wonder what we did wrong. This involves not only you, but also your spouse or ex-spouse. As Ms. Schoenfeldt states, As a single parent myself, I know how difficult it is to maintain a comfortable relationship with an ex-spouse, and yet your childs life may literally depend on it during this situation. Your ex-spouse may know things about your teen that you do not know that are critical at this time.

During a suicidal situation, it is important for parents to focus on the teen, not past parental mistakes. The teen needs immediate help. As Ms. Schoenfeldt says, Suicide is not about our ability to be good parents, it is about someones inability to withstand intense pain and understand that with time and assistance that pain will subside.

Dr. Fiske agrees with this and stresses Dont overreact, but if you do overreact, you can always repair the situation. Most importantly, dont wait. Act on your feelings and get a professional who can assess the risk. And if your child wont see the professional, at least get yourself there. But even though you, your teen and the rest of your family need to seek professional help first and foremost, do not fall into the trap of believing that since this situation is extreme it is a professional matter and no longer a family matter. Dr. Fiske encourages her clients to mobilize the family. They are a really important part of treatment.

Dr. Fiske also tells of the importance of parents modeling self-care if they are going to deal with the situation. Parents need to work through their range of emotionsguilt, shame, anger, shockif they are going to be supportive of their kids. Parents need to set an example by getting care themselves, says Dr. Fiske.

And part of that caring for your suicidal teenager is to remain supportive with open lines of communication. It becomes easy for us to minimize others feelings with phrases such as, I dont know why youre so upset, she (or he) was nothing but trouble and we didnt like her (or him) anyway. Regardless of your feelings over the issue or issues that is causing your teen the severe pain, the fact is the issue is causing your teen severe pain. And this severe pain is usually caused by an accumulation of seemingly small losses, not necessarily the most recent significant negative experience, even though that may be your teens current focus.

We, as parents, need to strive to be empathetic and sympathetic, without be condescending, and ready to listen at any moment, day or night. Ms. Schoenfeldt adds, Be honest with your child, but never hurtful. It is okay to share your feelings in a concerned and constructive way. Your teenager needs to realize, and internalize, the feelings that she is not alone during this crucial time.

Your teen needs to emerge from feelings of isolation into a world full of supportive resources and love. Providing support, getting help and holding onto hope are the only ways for your family and your teenager to get through this situation.